Threatening Butt Sex
Almost every weekend, I have to kick at least one person out of my bar. Most of these are easy and the people are ashamed of themselves for acting stupid. And then there are the other times when they...
View ArticleWho is Right and Who is Wrong?: Volume 2
It's time for another episode of who is right and who is wrong. Since Mindy and I have been together for half a decade ( holy shit balls that is a long time) and are kind of opposites, we have a lot of...
View ArticleI Was a Parseltongue Before It Was Cool
A fairly common question amongst fellow nerdy-minded adults, is what house you would be placed into at Hogwarts. Everyone has their different reasons for whatever they would decide. Honestly, we have...
View ArticleOreo Stacking Champion of the Universe.
June 1997, Memphis, TN. The air was thick and stick, the nights were long and I had a goal. I trained everyday. Everyday. Stack, stack stack, balance everything out, stack stack stack, repeat.I had...
View ArticleBig Baller Ass Half Marathon
For the past few months, I have been training for a half marathon. About a month ago, the specific one I was planning on doing got cancelled. I was pretty bummed, but decided to create my own Big...
View ArticleYou Should Be Ashamed
I can't wait to tell you guys all about my Chicago trip in my next post.Today, let's talk about something that has been bothering me for a couple of days. When we were at the zoo in Chicago we...
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Polar Bears are my Spirit Animal
You can sum up my Chicago trip (and probably my life) with this picture.I stood like this for so long. I didn't say anything just stood there and stared at this polar bear. It was fantastic. I'm pretty...
View ArticleStupid Knowledge
Remember that PSA, from the nineties that was all about getting kids to read? "Knowledge is Power" was the slogan. I don't know, maybe it was that "Reading Rainbow" guy who said it. Either way, I'm...
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Tattoo Time: Creatures of Wonder
Everyone knows I love everything magical and mythical. This includes all the mythical animals: dragons, phoenix, pegasus, unicorns, centaurs, etc.A couple of weeks ago, I discovered a new mythical...
View ArticleAm I a Weirdo or OCD? You decide.
Recently, several people that I have known for years, have started pointing out my quirks. Some have even resorted to calling me a weirdo. I'm well aware that I have things that bother me that other...
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A Little Mud and Muck
For a few months now, Mindy has been telling me that we need to get those little things that cover your bicycle wheels so that stuff doesn't splash up on you when you ride through it. I told her that I...
View ArticleCity of Blinding Lights
I just got one of the best phone calls of my life. A while back two of our dear friends, Killbilly (Jennifer) and Olivier, moved to New York. There are two of the most honest, fun people that I know...
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Childhood Traumas
I've been thinking about my upcoming birthday lately. (August 14th. I accept wizarding tools, midgets, fruit gushers and fairy dust) While I enjoy presents and cake, I'm not actually a huge fan of...
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Today is Fucking with Me
Things that have happened to me in the past two hours.Had a bug hit and splat right in the middle of my forehead while riding the motorcycle. It left a nice red mark and miscellaneous bug parts.Hit my...
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Stranger Danger
I've mentioned that Mindy is nice, right? Because she really is the kindest person I know. Kind to a fault. Like sometimes she talks to crazy people.For instance, one time we were out on a bike ride...
View ArticleCreepy or Not Creepy?: You decide
Picture this. It's the late 90s and the dot-com craze is in full swing, no one cares about the Y2K bug, and boy bands are making girls cry/swoon. My sister, Adrienne, was in high school. Being so smart...
View ArticleWorking on my new Purpose in Life
Once again it is time for you all to weigh in on a mega important question.A few weeks ago, a newish employee of ours, William, got into a physical altercation over a girl. The guy he got in the fight...
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Texting Manners
I only have one rule when it comes to texting me. Ok, that was a lie. I have more than one rule but they apply to different people.#1. My sister is not allowed to text me before 10 a.m. I work until 4...
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Withdrawals
Guys, I am suffering from some severe withdrawals.See, I went to see my sister this weekend for a pre-birthday celebration. It was awesome. But then I had to come home and now I am suffering some...
View ArticleGirls Gone Wild: Growing Up Edition
It's pretty much guaranteed that if you watch any home movie from my family's collection, someone will flash the camera. It could be my sister lifting her shirt up at 3, or me showing off my bra at age...
View ArticleUnrequited Love
I'm in love with the lady at the post office. She doesn't know that I adore her. In my mind, our affair has been going on for years.She is probably in her 50s and has short, super short blonde...
View Article28 and Senile
How old do you have to be to claim that you're senile?I mean, I have always been a grumpy sort of person, but lately I have been mega crotchety.For instance, every Saturday morning Mindy and I get up...
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Ninja Warrior Potential
On Sunday nights, Mindy usually goes to bed a couple of hours before me. Last night, I am bullshitting on the couch, about 30 minutes after she had gone to bed when I receive a text from her. It is a...
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Last Chance
Have I told you guys that I am training for a marathon? I can't remember. Either way, I am. The marathon is on November 17th and training is going pretty phenomenally.Last Sunday, Mindy and I took to...
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Procastinators Anonymous
Mindy is a top notch procrastinator. It is not that she is lazy. She just works better under pressure. Because of this she has a hard time studying for tests any earlier than the night before. These...
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